You would think by now I would've learned from past mistakes. I've been riding at Calavera for forty years, and probably know the soil type distribution better than most folks. If anyone had asked me if today was a good day to ride there, I would've said no. But I had a bike riding jones going.

Among my riding flaws are these: I will ignore perfectly logical advice that I have freely given others; I will deduce the optimum route for the conditions, circumstances, and my abilities, and then choose another because it appeals to me; and I will ignore that little voice in the back of my head telling me to stop. And I have some strong preferences that influence my bad choices: I always prefer singletrack to fire road, and a loop ride to an out-n-back.

So my fools errand was this: I had a limited amount of time, because I had to absolutely be back in a couple of hours, and chose to do a ride in the land of mud today. Trailwise, logically, it was not irresponsble, because if you stay on the fireroad and ride through the mud, not around, you don't hurt the road. If you choose the right singletrack, it will not be muddy, and won't be damaged.

There's basically four kinds of mud there: the regular mud on the lake fireroads and most others; the sandy d.g. barely-mud on a lot of the singletrack; the stinky black bottomland muck; and the adobe clay. The last two should be resolutely shunned.

Avoiding the muck, I set out around the lake, and encountered the plain mud, but more of it than expected (first warning). There were several fifty-to-a hundred-yard long stretches of mud, and I was pleased to not dab a clean shoe even once. It was fun to get the right gear, cadence, and then keep moving forward with judicious weight shifts to gain rear wheel traction. Brought out the little mud-slopping kid in me. Kinda like the old days in Calavera playing with motorcycles and four wheel drives.

At the pad, I selected a favorite singletrack route, knowing it would be well drained. And it was. I liked how the gray skies brought out the color of this lichen-covered branch triangulated by aluminum.



Not much mud out here, zero trail impact, so I continued on, thinking I might venture farther west into adobeland (sound warning bell here), because I really wanted to do a loop. Figured I could turn around if the adobe was really bad. About two hundred yards past the soil transition, going downhill, my rear wheel packed up solid and started sliding (final warning...).



At this point, I could've turned around and walked back a few hundred yards, cut over to the fire road, and ridden back. But noooo....I cleaned out the mud with a stick and kept going. Big mistake. Pretty soon both wheels were locked up solid, there were only little wimpy sticks that broke, and I was getting the dreaded pancake feet.



By this point, I was pretty much screwed. I checked the time, and I was running late. My best hope now was to walk out until I was past the adobe area, and head back via the old asphalt to make up time. I didn't have time to take more pictures, but it got worse, much worse... The frame, fork, chain, sprockets and wheels packed up. The wheels got bigger and bigger, until big curling arcs of mud would peel off of their own weight, and then re-form. The bike got so heavy, I couldn't even carry it, plus my now enormous clown shoes were sliding. I was doing some minor damage to that narrow trail with my feet and the bike, which I now had to just drag along. It was no consolation to see that some other idiot had preceded me, and it looked like he had trouble just staying on his feet.

I found a stout stick in the gully, and carried it with me the next quarter mile for later use. I could barely lift the bike over the wall. Once back on the d.g. fire road, I carved away enough adobe to allow the wheels to turn, and walked it downhill on the rocky road, where stones kept embedding and jammimg the wheels. Finally got to the creek, where I was able to wash the bike pretty well, using various sized sticks and my bare hands, with weeds to floss the fork, til it was good enough to ride and shift. Took the pavement all the way back, rushed home and washed the adobe off before it dried concrete hard.

Man, that was a great ride!


(Dirty Boo and DirtMonger, does this sound familiar?)

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Thus, if we are to understand the world, we should live somewhere between judgement and amazement — Alfredo Lopez Austin

Bad call.

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"New York City is a mismanaged carnival of stupidity that is desperate for revenue and anxious to criminalize behavior once thought benign."
--Alex Baldwin, unknowingly describing his socialist utopia.

You're a bad, bad man [insert smiley here].

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A bicycle is a splendid thing.
~Ernest Hemingway

I too learned that lesson the hard way a few years back when I decided to ride Flightline after the rains.

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"My favorite part of riding a bike is when I get off the bike." - Jim Gaffigan

It's probably not good idea to stick your tongue in a light socket either...but go ahead, try it.

"Enormous clown shoes" Classic!

You know what makes this even funnier? The fact you outed yourself for doing it.
Next week we'll all be riding and know exactly where you've been, "Yup, he went this way, it was Dan"

I loved it.

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Code 347

Thank you sir. I now feel vindicated for being a lazy f@ck who stayed indoors all weekend. It was quite an internal struggle;

'I need to ride!'.
"Don't do it".

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"it can go full porno alley"

- Kimba - One love, many bikes - 2020

Thank you sir. I now feel vindicated for being a lazy f@ck who stayed indoors all weekend. It was quite an internal struggle;

'I need to ride!'.
"No. Don't do it".
'I'm getting fat and lazy.'
"For God's sake man, don't you realize you're risking pancake shoes!!"
'Yeah ok..... I wonder how many beers are left?'

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"it can go full porno alley"

- Kimba - One love, many bikes - 2020

Dan, did you see anyone else out there riding? Would you like to try base jumping next weekend? I got a friend who has a one eye brother that would gladly give you a tip or two. Love ya man, there always has to be one in the group.

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When is it going to rain.

Great writing Dan. The foreshadowing and your internal struggle are apparent. Clown feet, great stuff!

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"We'll ride it until they pave it."

-Big Clyde

not Calaveras.

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"Just stop this walking shit and let's get this done"
Avidtesty (Arch 2019)

Gonna try La Costa today.
Dries out way better then Calavera.

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"My favorite part of riding a bike is when I get off the bike." - Jim Gaffigan

Sometimes you don't know unless you go -- 3.5 of the 4 trails I rode yesterday were in great shape. One was a mess (the top of part of it, anyway) so we walked that section and did some emergency repairs (and got clown shoes in the process).

Go and sin no more . . . .

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A bicycle is a splendid thing.
~Ernest Hemingway

pancake feet...

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We're not saints, we're not villains. We all make choices and decisions every day that shape our destiny - and in a small way, the world's.

- @HiddenCash