Cycling translations.

"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 300 miles a week and haven't missed a day since
the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you
wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling
and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into
oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your
seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes!

"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium
blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It
weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.

"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be
careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You
have a 39x23 low gear combo? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"You're doing great, honey"
Translation: Yo, lard badass I'd like to get home before midnight. This
is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating
chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Category 1 racer when I had the chance.

"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the
search-and-rescue dogs to find you later.

"I'm not feeling very strong on the bike today"
Translation: I had a few extra beers last night instead of Gatorade, but I'm still gonna'
drop most of you poseurs on the first big hill.

"We're taking it easy today"
Translation: We're dropping our standard 22mph pace to a meager 19-20mph,
but we'll still hammer it up all the hills, so you'd better stay in the
slow group.

"It's not that far"
Translation: Bring your passport, it's going to be a long day!

"That beer in the truck is calling me"
Translation: I am tired of you bastards kicking my ass and want it to end.

"I better get home, domestic tranquillity you know."
Translation: I am tired of you bastards kicking my ass and want it to end.

"Aqua showed me this line once"
Translation: You are in WAY over your head.

OK, I lifted the first ones from a cycling website. The last 3 are original.

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"We'll ride it until they pave it."

-Big Clyde

My Favorite as I use it every ride.

Yeah, the ones you added are pretty much the only ones I can use regularly (I can occasionally use something in the spirit of the others if there's an absolute noob along). Thanks!

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Thus, if we are to understand the world, we should live somewhere between judgement and amazement — Alfredo Lopez Austin

Omg laugh my ass totally off!!