My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you
believe that..... 2:30 am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my
Bagpipes.


Man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says
how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the laundry is
piling up!"


I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had
the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're
pulling my leg."


I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I
presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.


My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend yet.

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and
talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not
listening."


The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for
the worst. So I went to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.

_________________
A bicycle is a splendid thing.
~Ernest Hemingway

Just got this one from a buddy


What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW. A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

_________________
Best riding advice I ever got... "make sure you have air in your tires"

@ Canaan : and i thought my joke sucked !!!

Come on -- "bagpipes," "pulling my leg," and "stalker" are all pretty funny . . . .

_________________
A bicycle is a splendid thing.
~Ernest Hemingway

In one joke it would have been.

_________________
"Those skilled at the unorthodox are infinite as heaven and earth, inexhaustible as the great rivers."
— Tzun Tzu

After the Office Party

After the annual office party blow-out, Colin woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "Tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she assured him, voice dripping with scorn.

"You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire senior management and insulted the Regional Director General to his face."

"He's an a**hole. I should have pissed on him."

"You did," Louise informed him. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" yelled Colin.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."

_________________
Best riding advice I ever got... "make sure you have air in your tires"